It's been far too long.
I've been meaning to do this for awhile, just haven't. I really have no excuse.
So...I finally got all my stool sample results - not a thing wrong. However, they only tested for parasites and bacteria. Didn't even bother to do a blood test on it, which is whatever. The medication I got has helped tremendously. Though, I still have days where nothing goes right. Some days I'm fine, just a little discomfort. Last week, I spent 90 minutes in the bathtub trying to ease off immensely bad cramps. I could barely even walk and I couldn't sit down because the pressure on my guts was too much. At the store the other day, my lower intestines just started bubbling for no damn reason, and I rushed to the bathroom for nothing to happen. A little blood, nothing else. I fucking hate this.
I supposedly have a job. I was approved for the go on a seasonal online job back in late August. Everything got twisted up (story of my life lol) and now October 15th, I have been told I won't start until November 2nd. There was a time of depression on the delay because all I want is money to see a doctor. Our fantastic governor (sarcasm) didn't expand medicare so I get no assistance whatsoever. The clinic has no idea what to do next. Funny story: I've been gluten free since January and they were practically insistent I take a Celiac Test. Fuckers, I haven't ingested that shit in 8 months (at that point), there is absolutely NO reason to test me. And I'm not about to start eating it again because I know it makes everything worse. I also tried the low FODMAPS diet, it didn't affect much change. I did learn HFCS makes me sick, though. The doctor did throw around Crohns Disease, but the only way to prove it is the colonoscopy and endoscopy that I need.
So, hopefully I'll be starting my job soon. Even if it is temporary, I can afford to get some things done because I am ready to rejoin life.
I have also been revisiting an old relationship. Not in the means of pursuit of another one with him, but company, companionship, sex. He needs me as much as I need him, and it's comfortable, I enjoy it. It really doesn't hurt that he is still fucking hott, too. My (x)love isn't happy about it. He's been trying for months to have sex with me again, told me the other day he needed to stop talking to me so he could get past it. I don't know what that means. I think it was his way of trying to guilt/ultimatum me into doing it or he wouldn't be my friend. I love him, and he knows that, but I honestly don't need him anymore. (Somewhere in the last few months, we made up, had sex once as friends, and we've been pretty good since. I think last time we were on goodbyes.) I love his friendship, but I don't appreciate being guilted. Especially when HE is the reason we broke up. If you wanted it, you should have fucking kept it. The "I can't talk to you, I need to move on from this" tantrum lasted like 8 hours.
Anyway, so that's where life is right now.
I quit biting my nails, too. My whole life I chewed them down to practically nothing, and I obsessively bore my teeth down on a knuckle so much I started to break into the skin. Now, I have nice, pretty, REAL nails. It's so weird. I stab and scratch myself too often, still not used to it.
To end - I'm so glad Fall is here. Soooooooo glad.
