as predicted

So, as predicted, my love and I separated. Its been almost 3 weeks, and it has been Hell. I miss him in ways I can't even describe. I find myself breaking down into hysterical tears when I least expect it; the sadness is overwhelming.

We are still friends, talking and having sex. I couldn't bear to lose him, especially with my health the way it is. I need him. We poke around at a possibility of getting back together in the future, but I know it'll never happen. I don't want to disclose everything, but he and I are so different that I can't picture it ever working out. But I love him dearly, I love him beyond logic and words. I know by being with him even in this capacity is not a good way to overcome the loss, but I was really a mess when we stopped talking. I didn't even know how to cope, I just fell apart every day into someone I didn't even recognize. So we made amends and agreed to be friends so we can get thru this. I want to say I love you every time we talk, and it kills me not to be able to, but I'm doing the best I can.

I finally got into a doctor. There was no consensus on my issue, need more tests which I cannot afford. Being an unemployed, childless woman provides zero benefits in Georgia.  I did get some medication, Hyoscyamine, which has helped a little bit. Once it starts to wear off, though, my digestive system goes into hyperdrive and that's not fun to deal with. The side effects are wretched. I had terrible nightmares the first night in tandem with a raging headache. Seems both of those have ceased, and I'm just let with dry mouth, nose, and a dizzy high feeling.

I have another appt Monday, at a low income clinic. Hoping they can help me along a little more.