the great divide

Soooooo.....

*deep breath*

It happened.  I took the plunge. I changed my life.  I quit my job, gave up my glamorous apartment, and moved.

I am free from the insufferable drama that once controlled my entire existence.  And I said farewell with the biggest middle finger you have ever seen!

...rewind...

I met the man I always dreamed of. Out of nowhere, like a Hollywood movie. Only this one has a twist you didn't see coming.

Late June, he came into my life, only I did not realize nor predict the impact he would have on me. He was just another guy that endlessly found reasons to come see me. I was still in my world of no dating, no hurt, no love, no glory. Just work.

One day my boss accused me of seducing him, so to speak. "He could fall in love you, he's already obsessed with you." I laughed, shrugged it off and she didn't believe me when I told her there was nothing going on. A few days later, I told him what was said because at this point...he had already started to call me everyday and we had bonded. Honestly I just thought it was a supervisor/supervisor relationship. He denied it, we laughed, we went about our business. I can't put a number on it, but some odd weeks later, after all the jokes about girlfriend/boyfriend jealousies and off the wall remarks about us "dating," he finally broke down. "I can't tell anymore if you're joking or if you really like me."

...99% of me wanted to continue the charade and say I was just kidding. 99% of me wanted to run from the truth: I had completely fallen for this guy.

Since the discussion on "our relationship," my boss had started to withdraw from me. She was angry and concocted lies to tell me. She was talking garbage behind my back. I suppose our relationship had already begun to become strained, but this was unbearable. I also started having really awful stomach issues. If I wasn't running to the bathroom 8 times an hour, I was throwing up. My stomach ached constantly, like searing pain that made me want to curl up and die. My stress level was through the roof. Every day was torture.

I told him I really liked him. Even after he told me 400 times he could never date an older woman, nonetheless a decade older. What more could I possibly do to fuck up my life...how much more miserable could it get? I even fucked him on the second date because I figured if that was all he wanted, he'd take it and go away. Leave me intact.

He hasn't left yet. Even after he made me realize how toxic my life was and I have now moved over an hour away.

He is amazing. He deals with my overly dramatic demons and he comforts me when I completely freak the fuck out. Calm and collected professional workaholic me and the everyday real me are two entirely different entities. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  He loves me regardless.

So I am unemployed and seeking a new life. With him. None of this has been easy, especially the great divide between us, but it's the best thing I have done in years.

(& my two weeks notice went oddly as expected. Mr. Boss questioned me but never asked me to stay; his wife never said a word, not a bye, good luck, fuck you I'm glad you're gone!, nothing. My boss, my used-to-be best friend, had a meltdown. You treat me like shit, eventually I'll walk away. And you can't make me feel bad about it. I felt like she wanted me to leave. And the end came...and I regret absolutely nothing.)